Hahahah! I read this, "Rather than lose my head (or take off his) I pulled the pruning shears from the shelves in the garage," and thought your intent was to simply stab or maim rather than kill. Glad I read further. :)

oh, i have so been there...my need to oversee my daughter and our very somewhat violent neighbor has yielded and really finely clipped garden this season...at the time when my already wild garden is practically a rain forest.