While not directly gardening, per se...

This weekend I did some poor man's surveying of The Land using my feet and a Garmin GPS unit.

I wanted to mark the 2 immovable fence lines, a grove we want to be entirely on our property.  Plus, knowing where the 3 power poles and overhead wires were would be helpful.

I started by walking the fence-line, relatively uneventfully.

Once I started following the overhead line shadows, the cows sharing the field with me started to get interesting.

After the first turn in the wire, at the pole, the GPS track shows the "cow dance" I did in my effort to remain untrampled.

This was followed by them stalking me around the smaller glade, and then following me a few hundred yards back towards the first gate.

And I learned I don't like cows.  I wouldn't say it's an irrational fear; a phobia (which, strangely, seems to have no official medical nam). 

No, it's more just not liking their group dynamics.

We caution our children to avoid the herd mentality.  When faced with 3 dozen 800lbs hoofed steaks, you're looking at the herd mentality in it's most pure form.

You can dance around, swing you straw hat about, and holler "hyah!  hyah!" as much as you like, but the herd won't back down.

If you pick a single cow, though, make eye-contact, and try to run him down, you might stand a chance.  If you make him turn, his buddies might too, which then spreads into a stampede away from you.

If they don't go too far, though, they simply might follow you like large dumb puppies.  Unfortunately, a mass of cow following someone downhill tends to pick up speed, regardless of any aggressive tendencies.  That's not good when you're the leader of the pack, and only wearing boots, not hoofs.

To combat the "cow runs down hills" tendency of bovines in pursuit, simply walk a zig-zag line.  Like you would to avoid a bee.  As you tack back and forth, the whole mass can't adjust direction as quickly as the guy on two feet mocking them.  And the entire pile of steak comes to a halt.

Then they get distracted by the feed bin, and leave you alone completely.

Shortly after this adventure, I had a cheeseburger. It was what I needed to calm the cattle anxiety.